Greener on Our Side

The Power of Wanting What You Already Have

There’s a quiet kind of power in seeing your own life clearly—through the lens of enoughness. It’s the shift that turns envy into awe and comparison into contentment. And once you feel it, you can’t unsee it.

Why We Always Want the Other Thing

Curly-haired people want it straight. The ones with sleek hair want it voluminous and wild. Some men want to be the taller guy, or the one with more defined abs, or a deeper voice. We crave the neighbor’s house, the coworker’s promotion, the stranger’s relationship—things that feel just out of reach, like they’d complete the puzzle of us.

This isn’t some modern flaw. Psychologists call it the “hedonic treadmill.” You get what you want, adapt to it, and suddenly want something else. Evolution hardwired us for dissatisfaction so we’d keep surviving, improving, reproducing. It made sense in a cave. Not so much in a condo with central air and Wi-Fi.

And yet, even with more access, comfort, and choice than most humans in history, we still look sideways. We still think greener means better.

The Science of Wanting What You Have

Here’s the truth: wanting what you have is not a passive resignation. It’s a skill. A practice. A neurological pattern that can be strengthened.

Gratitude is the word we usually use for it, but let’s go deeper. Studies from Dr. Robert Emmons at UC Davis show that regular gratitude practice rewires the brain to notice abundance. You stop scanning for lack and start registering what’s already working. That shift lowers cortisol, boosts serotonin, and makes you more generous. It literally makes your life feel fuller.

So yes, there is a science to making your own grass look greener. And it starts inside.

A 4 Out of 10 Life? Try Again

A man once told me he rated himself a 4 out of 10 in looks and finances. Straightforward. Honest. But I asked him: isn’t it more than that, considering the miracle of being alive in one of the richest nations on Earth? He paused. Thought about it. Then said, “Wow. I guess I never looked at it that way.” It clicked for him that he already had more than most people on this planet ever will.

And sometimes, it takes someone else seeing us clearly for us to remember the truth about ourselves.

When You Realize You Were the Standard

I used to look up to the Chinese actress Liu Yifei. Ethereal. Elegant. I thought she was in a different universe of beauty. Until one day, a man said he found me more attractive than her. I was stunned. It made me pause, then quietly unpack the long list of things I’d decided weren’t “good enough” about myself.

In school, I admired two classmates who were top in science. They seemed effortlessly brilliant. I admired from afar. But then I graduated with the Best in Science award.

Even later in life, I thought there were people far smarter than me—until I got into Harvard Business School. That moment forced me to reframe everything I had been discounting. It reminded me that often, the people we envy are just reflections of our own potential we’ve been too humble to claim.

The Grass Grows Where You Water It

The real switch happens when you start noticing your own story. Not from a place of ego or superiority, but from a deep appreciation of what you’ve lived through and what you already hold. The smile someone else envies. The calm you bring into a room. The wisdom in your timing. The love you give so naturally you don’t even count it as a gift.

None of it is small.

And maybe that’s the point. The greener life isn’t elsewhere. It’s the one you already have, seen with open eyes.

“We don’t become rich by collecting more. We become rich by learning how much we already have.”

—Vanessa Liu