The Toxic Legacy of Son Preference
Why Valuing Boys Over Girls Harms China and Beyond
Introduction
In Chinese culture, the belief in “重男轻女” (zhòng nán qīng nǚ)—literally “valuing men, devaluing women”—has shaped families and gender roles for generations. While some assume this mindset belongs to the past, its influence remains widespread. This preference for sons continues to affect how children are raised, how women are treated, and how families make decisions, with real consequences for individuals and society alike.
A Legacy Passed Down
Growing up in a Chinese-Filipino family, I experienced the effects of this belief firsthand. Even outside China, in modern, educated communities, these traditions quietly persist. My brother was celebrated, taken out proudly by our parents, while I stayed home, sidelined and ignored. In family gatherings, relatives cheered for newborn grandsons, while granddaughters barely got a mention. Sons had birthday parties at restaurants; daughters were lucky to get a cake.
This wasn’t a one-time thing. It was a pattern—subtle, consistent, and quietly damaging. And it wasn’t just us. Many Chinese families, both in China and abroad, carry this belief forward, often without question.
What Does “重男轻女” Mean?
At its core, 重男轻女 refers to favoring boys over girls in both tangible and symbolic ways. Traditionally, sons were expected to inherit property, carry on the family name, care for aging parents, and perform ancestral rites. Daughters, by contrast, were seen as “temporary” family members—expected to marry, move out, and belong to someone else’s lineage.
Today, this preference can show up in less obvious but still damaging ways: girls may receive less support in education or healthcare, fewer family resources, or face lower expectations. In extreme cases, modern technology has even enabled sex-selective abortions, contributing to a serious gender imbalance in China’s population.
How It Harms Girls, Boys—and Families
For girls, being born into a system that values them less can have lifelong effects: low self-esteem, internalized shame, and difficulty asserting their worth. It may limit their educational opportunities, emotional well-being, and future choices.
But boys are harmed, too. The pressure to fulfill traditional roles as heirs and providers can be overwhelming. Families obsessed with having sons may pour all their resources and hopes into them—while neglecting daughters and damaging the overall family dynamic. Some daughters are abandoned, others survive—but internalize the belief that they’re somehow “less.”
A National Crisis: Too Many Men, Too Few Women
This cultural preference has created one of the world’s most extreme gender imbalances. China has tens of millions more men than women, largely due to decades of sex-selective abortions and unequal treatment. The consequences are far-reaching:
Loneliness and mental health issues among men unable to find partners
Marriage pressure and instability
Rising crime, including human trafficking and forced marriages
A generation of women burdened with unrealistic expectations
Meanwhile, a society that undervalues women stifles half its potential. When women are denied equal opportunities, countries lose talent, innovation, and balance.
Beyond China: Global Impacts of Gender Bias
重男轻女 isn’t just China’s problem. It’s part of a broader, global struggle with gender inequality. But as China becomes more influential on the world stage, its internal issues—like demographic crises and gender-based injustice—have ripple effects beyond its borders.
From economic growth to social stability, a country’s ability to thrive depends on how it treats its women. Societies that value all genders equally are stronger, fairer, and more resilient.
Changing Deeply Ingrained Beliefs
Change is possible, but it isn’t easy. While China has made legal and policy efforts to support women—like banning sex-selective abortions and launching public awareness campaigns—cultural beliefs change slowly. In many families, sons are still expected to be the legacy, while daughters are expected to be self-sacrificing.
True change will require:
New stories about what it means to be a daughter
Equal celebration of girls’ births and achievements
Education that fosters respect and equality
Role models who challenge traditional norms
The more we talk openly about these issues, the more we break the silence that keeps them alive.
A Healthier, More Equal Future
The belief that boys are inherently more valuable than girls is not just outdated; it’s toxic. It hurts individuals, weakens families, and destabilizes societies.
Confronting and unlearning this bias is essential—not just for China’s future, but for humanity’s. A truly just and thriving world will only be possible when every child, regardless of gender, is welcomed with the same joy, invested in with the same hope, and loved with the same depth.
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