Dating Zoo Survival Guide
Outsmarting Ghosters, Gaslighters & Other Creatures
After Welcome to the Dating Zoo: 10 Creatures to Left-Swipe made the rounds, the DMs came flooding in: “Okay, but what do I do when I’ve already dated them?”
This is your toolkit. Your no-shame, no-tears comeback guide for taking your power back, one savage exit at a time.
The Survival Handbook
Here’s a way to both deal with them and teach them a lesson, without becoming bitter or letting their nonsense shape your story:
1. The Ghoster
How to deal: Take their silence as the loudest answer. Don’t chase.
How to get back: Live your best life loudly. Post that glow-up selfie. Let them orbit what they abandoned.
2. The Love Bomber
How to deal: Call it early. Ask real questions. If it feels like a Hallmark movie on acid—pause.
How to get back: Show them what real love looks like by giving it to yourself. Their whiplash doesn’t deserve your softness.
3. The Breadcrumber
How to deal: Don’t nibble on crumbs. Respond with silence to “u up?”
How to get back: Leave them on read forever. Starve them of attention. They’ll miss the feast they treated like a side snack.
4. The Benchwarmer
How to deal: Sub yourself out. You’re not a placeholder.
How to get back: Make your life look so fulfilled and fun, they realize they were just the warm-up act. Front row? Denied.
5. The Orbiter
How to deal: Mute, block, unfollow—kill their access.
How to get back: Post that soft smile, that birthday toast, that beach trip. Let them realize they were the past and you’re glowing in the now.
6. The Future Faker
How to deal: Call their bluff. If they can’t commit to dinner, they can’t commit to dreams.
How to get back: Build the life they fantasized about—without them. Let them see that Bali trip on your IG stories…with someone real.
7. The Zombie
How to deal: Delete. Block. Banish. No conversations with ghosts.
How to get back: Send their last message into the void and never respond. Haunt them with your silence.
8. The Gaslighter
How to deal: Document. Detach. Disengage. Don’t argue reality with a magician.
How to get back: Name it. Speak the truth to your circle. Let your clarity be the candle they can’t blow out.
9. The Stasher
How to deal: Bring it into the light. If they flinch, you’ve got your answer.
How to get back: Be seen everywhere. Romantic brunches, work events, real dates—post with someone proud to claim you.
10. The Freeloader
How to deal: Set boundaries like a fortress. Love doesn’t mean enabling.
How to get back: Watch them starve when your Wi-Fi, fridge, and generosity are no longer free. Let them pay full price…for the lesson.
The Best Roar?
Thrive. Unapologetically.
You don’t need to burn their jungle—just exit it, crown intact. Let your peace, power, and joy be the thing they can never access again.
P.S. Curious about the creatures?
Start with the first field report: Welcome to the Dating Zoo.