The Lobster, Then the Wolf
Understanding Women’s Complex Social Dance
In honor of Dr. Jordan B. Peterson,
who gave us the lobster.
This one’s for the women:
Not a lobster. Not a peacock. She’s a wolf — navigating beauty, power, and the pack.
When we think about social hierarchies, the image of the lobster often comes to mind. Battle-ready, standing tall, fighting for dominance.
Jordan Peterson famously uses this metaphor to explain how deeply rooted biological hierarchies shape behavior. But for women, whose social worlds often blend cooperation, competition, and nuanced communication, the lobster doesn’t quite capture the full story.
So, what animal better reflects women’s social experience—where collaboration is key, but so is navigating competition and the pressure to present oneself well?
Enter the wolf.
Wolves: Masters of Balance
Wolves live in packs defined by a clear social order. There’s a hierarchy, but it’s far from a constant battle for survival by brute strength. Wolves depend on each other. They hunt together, raise pups collectively, and protect their territory as a team.
Within the pack, competition exists for leadership, mating opportunities, and status. This competition can be intense — even fierce — but it’s not rooted in tearing each other apart. It’s woven into a social fabric of cooperation and communication.
Body language, vocal signals like howls, and subtle postures help wolves negotiate their place in the group without unnecessary conflict. They know when to assert dominance and when to yield because survival depends on both.
How This Mirrors Women’s Social Dynamics
Like wolves, women often navigate a world that requires balancing competition with cooperation. There’s the challenge of standing out and asserting oneself, sometimes amid social pressures to conform or “look good.” But there’s also immense value in building alliances, supporting peers, and cultivating emotional intelligence.
Women’s social “pack” can be a source of strength. A network to lean on, celebrate with, and grow alongside. At the same time, it can become a site of subtle rivalries — where beauty, status, or success can ignite tensions. Insecurities or jealousy may trigger that feeling of being “dragged down” when you’re trying to rise.
This doesn’t contradict the strength of the pack, but it’s part of it. Understanding this dual nature of competition and collaboration helps us reframe these experiences not as contradictions but as organic parts of a complex social dance.
The Appearance Game: Evolution’s Wild Card
Within the wolf pack, social status isn’t determined by flashy displays of color or glamour. But in human society, especially for women, appearance adds a whole new, intense layer to the social game.
This competition around looks isn’t just cultural noise. It’s deeply biological and genetic. Evolution wired humans to notice traits that signal health, fertility, and vitality. Features like clear skin, symmetry, long hair, posture, and even the subtle art of grooming send messages about genetic fitness, much like the peacock’s tail in the animal kingdom.
Women fiercely compete, often unconsciously, on these traits. It’s a kind of battlefield of signals: who shines, who stands out, who attracts attention, and who blends in. This pressure is real, relentless, and sometimes exhausting.
But just like the wolf pack balances individual assertiveness with group harmony, women’s competition over appearance coexists with collaboration, emotional bonding, and social support. It’s a paradox of strength and vulnerability: striving to stand out while also belonging.
Recognizing this biological layer helps us see the “why” behind the fierce drive to look and feel our best, and also the importance of compassion as we navigate these pressures.
In this complex dance, appearance is both a weapon and a bridge: it can open doors, create alliances, or spark rivalry. Understanding this helps us reclaim control, choosing when and how to wield this power rather than being controlled by it.
Embracing the Wolf Within
So, what can we learn from wolves?
Assert yourself confidently when it matters, but know when to cooperate and build alliances.
Use your social intelligence to read the room and navigate group dynamics with grace.
Support your pack, because your community is your strength.
Use your beauty, but don’t be ruled by it. Let it be a tool, not a tether.
Own your presence. How you present yourself is part of your unique social signal, but it’s not the whole story. Your value is also in your loyalty, empathy, and resilience.
In the end, women’s social life is a wolf pack — a mix of fierce competition, tender cooperation, and nuanced communication. It’s a powerful metaphor that captures the complexity and beauty of navigating modern social hierarchies.