Let Them Be

Chapter 5 – Essay

People don’t always celebrate your growth. Sometimes they resent it. Because when you rise, it reminds them they haven’t. When you stop shrinking, it makes them feel small.

When Healing Costs You People

It’s not talked about enough—the grief that comes with becoming yourself. Especially when it means leaving behind those who anchored you during your broken phases. We’re wired to belong.

But what happens when the place you belonged to no longer fits?

What happens when your growth starts to threaten the people closest to you?

Some people are invested in the version of you that didn’t have boundaries. The version who always said yes. Who never asserted, never disrupted the peace.

When you begin to heal, that version dissolves. And so do the dynamics that kept certain relationships alive.

At first, you might feel guilt. You’ll doubt yourself. You’ll try to keep peace by shrinking again. But here’s what I’ve learned: Your wholeness will disturb the people who only knew you in fragments. And that’s okay.

You don’t owe everyone access to the healed version of you. Especially not the ones who preferred you quiet, agreeable, and easy to manage.

This isn’t about bitterness. It’s about clarity.

You can love people and still release them. You can respect your history without dragging it into your future.

Setting boundaries to protect your peace looks like:

Not answering every call. 

Letting texts go unanswered.

Choosing peace over obligation.

Stopping mid-conversation when it turns into gaslighting.

Saying, “This no longer works for me,” without explaining why.

It looks like quiet exits and clear minds.

It looks like grieving a version of your past—but not returning to it.

There will be goodbyes. They’ll look like silence. Like space. Like a soft unfollow. Like you saying less and loving yourself more.

And the beauty? As you let go of what no longer fits, you make space for people who see you. Who celebrate you. Who aren’t afraid of how big you’ve become.

So let the old versions of love fall away. Let the ones who only knew your past watch from afar.

You’re not abandoning them.

You’re choosing yourself.

And the ones who are meant to meet you here?

They’ll find you.